Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â do youu have daa gutsÂ Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â to love meÂ Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â

Monday, January 30, 2006
4:08 AM

Sometimes.. the response i m getting from u.. disheartened me alot..
Sometimes i wondered.. how much can a girl take.. before she loses control of herself..

Yeah.. i sound so desperate...
I wanted u to hold me in ur arms so badly... to dote on me once more...
but will this wish ever come true agn?

Darling.. my heart screamed " i Miss you alot!!".. can u hear it?
****************************

Is your birthday day 25 of the month?

Your Life

You are a warrior. No obstacle can stop you from reaching your goal. You always keep yourself busy. This quality plus your responsibility will eventually bring you success.

Your Love

You adore your partner as the number one priority. You value yourl ove one more than yourself. Your love is the greatest of all and your have potential to get married young.

Married young.. how i wished at times...

< Luv me if u dare-`

Saturday, January 28, 2006
12:54 AM

" In this world, there are so many people.. able to have feelings for a person... it's already very blissful.. n to give it up easily.. wouldn't it be a pity?"

Darlin, for you.. I m willingly to give all my best...
To embrace u in my arms..
To share all happiness and sadness with u..
To give u whatever u want.. u need..
I'll always be by ur side.. i promised..

+My Love for u will never end, you'll always be a part of me, as long as time keeps on passing by..+

< Luv me if u dare-`

Saturday, January 21, 2006
3:00 AM

"The longest wait is not created by the amount of time passed, but by your mind."

Feeling tired and worn out.. in a few hrs time.. I m going to meet my darling finally.. but strangely.. i was not as excited as before.. maybe the exhaustion makes me feel numb to everything.

One good news, he is not as cold towards me.. and he bothers to show his care and concern for me le.. FINALLY... thankz darling.. but i m afraid u raise objections to my job.. as much as i want u back into my life.. I WUN and CAN'T give up my dreams and career.. it has be with me since i m young.. more than 10 yrs.. i dun bear to part with my dreams.. but darling, i will love u with all i have..

I'm still very tired... trying hard to slog on... Everyone please grab hold of me if i ever falls...

< Luv me if u dare-`

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
2:22 AM

-= Day 3 =-

Missing u terribly.. My whole mind filled with you.. but i couldn't tell u.. i couldn't concentrate on my project.. i couldn't concentrate on my driving lessons..

I m getting impatient... but i must remind myself.. true love is never smOoth.. i must be more determined to win him back..

Was very tired.. did a start for the story bOok.. 3 pages so far... Cover page.. n page 1 n 2..
My art was not very gOod.. so.. i hope my darling dun mind.. i Did my best... was wondering if drawing will be better... i will TRY to do those tml.. but my drawing is ugly.. hai...

Here are the pages:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Darling.. i did my best.. but my art sucks..

< Luv me if u dare-`

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
2:46 AM

-= Day 2=-

Was still undecide whether you told me you dun feel anithing for me is it a truth.. or is it just that u r tired..

Came uPon a Story.. whIch i hoPe i can rEwrite n eDit in time.. n make it into a small storybOok.. for you.. my darling..

It goes like this...

Sometime ard May'05.. there was this girl, X who just fell out of love.. she was a very wild type of gal.. and back then there was a guy,G, who was still in army. He too had fell out of love..
**********************************

On 11th July'05, they came together and start walking down the path together...

Alot of times, X wanted to tell G .. "dear I love you, thanks for being here with me.." but she din uttered a single word.. becoz she knew.. in his heart.. there was never a place for her.. she knews G was still thinking of Z.. hoping one day that Z will return to his arms... X din want to tell G.. because she is afraid that G might feel pressurized.. and will leave her instead..

A few times.. she went to see G profile in Friendster... she saw the pictures of Z, that G had posted.. everytime.. her heart sank.. and wonder did G came to her becoz of lonliness n needed her companionship.. but she couldn't blame him.. becoz she knows how hard it is to let someone u love so dearly to go.. just like tat..

X is very selfish.. becoz of her many failed relationships... she always wanted to leave whenever she realizes that her love for G had grown.. and she wants to stop it.. as she was afraid of getting hurt.. She wanted the best of all worlds.. but there will never be such things on earth.. she try to 'crush' on other guys.. hoping to spread out her feelings.. but each time she is over 'gaga' with a guy.. she just realized.. she still misses G in the end.. X tried hard to control her feeling towards G.. she was trying her best.. and she always thought that she could be able to let go easily in a relationship.. But she was wrong.. she really did fall for G...

But love never went smooth.. and love is not everything...

X became too ambitions and she wanted to earn as much money as she can.. but for G, he think likewise. X started to work till very late at night.. G dun understand why X wanted to work so hard.. but it din came across to X that.. maybe G was worrying about her health. They would start to talk it out at first.. but most of the time they would end up quarreling. But G would always be the one to give in first... although they manage to calm things down.. slowly.. but there was a gap.. they give in to each other not because they understand.. it is because they would not want to end up screaming at each other agn. They still stand at their own point of view.. As time past by.. they msg each other lesser and lesser...

G changed.. he was not as nice as last time.. but to G.. all X care abt is her work and nothing else.. maybe G was just trying to get more of X attention?

X could no longer catch what is on G's mind.. and it goes the same to G.. I guess when G needed X to be ard, she is always with her frends, bosses or clients. All the sweet moments were gone.. X was always waiting for G to call.. if not she will just continue to be busy with her work.. and can't be bothered abt him.

X always thought that it was her fault as she might have neglect G due to her busy workload.. she wanted to compensate for it.. but she dunno how to start.. She tries to keep her weekends free for G... but... it's already too late... X would be in G house doing her work or studies and G will be using the com or sleeping.. though X did not say much to G.. it really warm her heart up to have him around..

X was an insecure girl.. she is afraid of relationship.. since the first day G n X got together.. she was afraid that G would leave her one day..

Becoz of that.. X suspect that G might have other woman out there.. or he still couldn't forget her.. X always thought that G was doing something behind her back.. and maybe becoz of the accumulated quarrels.. G got tired of X... and dun feel anything for her animore..

Every night when G is not ard, X would have her mind running wild.. but in fact.. G was just have some decent fun with his friends.. There was already a communication breakdown which both of them refuse to talk it out.. when X noticed that G seem to be more n more reluctant to talk about this.. she become more n more possessive when she find that G became less attach to her.. G would wanted to have his own time, he would spent most of his time with his friends or slping.

They spend lesser time with each other... G would always say that he is busy or tired...
X did not do it deliberately.. she was always pulling a long face because she wanted G to notice her.. she know that is a very childish thing to do.. but she just want G to notice her.. in her heart.. she never want this to happen.. she was very disappointed..

All X wanted was G to give this relationship another chance.. and X will definitely cherish n treasure him more.. but will she have the chance?

< Luv me if u dare-`

Monday, January 16, 2006
12:03 AM

-= Day One=-

As I was walking towards ur house.. my heart was beating so fast that i could hardly breathe...
It could be i dunno what should I do.. but my very gd guy friend told me.. if i dunno wat to say.. just "smile".. hee.. n it could also be.. becoz i missed you alot.. so i can't wait to see you.

When i looked into ur eyes... u no longer look at me so coldly..
When i sat at ur chair far from you... becoz u told me u had no feelings for me.. so i tot i just act as a fren.. but u reckon me to sit on the bed beside you.. and u pinch on my cheeks as usual.. n called me piggy..
You dun tok to me so cold animore.. at least there are some laughter and things are getting somehow the same.. except there are still some restrictions.. but it's better than nothing..

It may seems to be little things.. but when i focus my attention on you.. i realise alot of things that i din know of.. this is enough to make me be more positive..
Reading back all ur msg... u r really so desperate to meet me last time.. n so sticky.. but i din tk notice of tat.. but nvm dear.. as long as u r willingly to give me a chance.. i will do all to fight back for that happiness..

Cya on SAt... though it seems so long.. 6 more days.. but i m looking forward to it.. thanks for agreeing to the date.. i m already very happy.. =)

< Luv me if u dare-`

Sunday, January 15, 2006
2:02 PM

After a night of crying.. and heart pain... and thinking thru our whole relationship, it's time to pick myself up agn... No use i m drowning in total sadness.. yet you wouldn't know what I had been thRu.. n definitely you wun be attracted to a girl whu is always sad rite?

I believe.. it takes two hands to clap.. as well as two hands to break..
In the end.. u may be the most cruel one to me... it may also means.. u had enough of me..

WhAt i did wrong...

I try hard to mould you into what i want for a perfect bf... humble...ambitious... successful.. lovely n doting.. etc.. I guess you are tired of trying so hard to fit into being this perfect bf..

My work always comes first.. n I piled my life with tons of work.. with a thinking tat.. career cannot wait.. but love can.. as I had a hunger for success.. you always dun understand why i worked so hard.. but i din know how to tell u.. so i just shrugged it off..

I m always so tough n strong in front of you.. i always wanted to show u my soft side.. but i din know how to.. becoz i had lost that skill after so many failed relationships.. i forgot how to love a person.. n i rarely bothers to see whether you are sad or tired.. i just want it in my way.. if not.. out u go..

I had never done small little things for you.. like cards.. little gifts.. cooking for you... but i expect you to do all those little things for me...

I wun call you or msg u.. if u dun msg or call me first... maybe u r tired of being the one always calling me n msging me..

So.. the only thing i can do now.. is to win u back.. One month.. tat's the time i gave to you n me... Wish me all the best!

< Luv me if u dare-`

I finally cried.. cried very badly...
One moment you are so close to me... embracing me... loving me... n
all of a sudden.. within a week... u told me you dun have feelings for me anymore..

Was I the one to blame.. that I keep piling my life with work.. till I din realise the signals you gave me? Or.. you have never try to forget her... n put me into ur heart?

My heart feels so pain... so pain... i dun want to let u go... i DUN WANT... i dun even have a choice.. do I?

DArling... i WANT you back in my arms... n tell me everything is just a nitemare... it's going to be ok sOon... I JUST WANT YOU BACK...

< Luv me if u dare-`

Friday, January 13, 2006
11:27 PM

I feel that things wasn't right between us... u told me I m thinking too much...
I wanted to let everything go.. but u dun want to.. so I m holding it so tight to me that I feel so pain and miserable.. yet you are not putting in any effort to revive the relationship..
You told me you are tired of us quarreling every moments.. so u need a break.. so do I feel tired.. but I never let you go.. I still held on to the belief that we can work things out.. as long as our communications improved..

I read ur blog.. u wouldn't know how I have got the address to it. I know you still can't forget her.. even though we had been 7 mths together.. i din dare to tell ani of my friends abt it.. coz i know it will onli exchanged a bad impression of u to them.. n i din want tat.. I know u r still missing her and constantly checked whether she is attached.. maybe this few days ur mood feel so damn lousy becoz u had learnt that she is happily attached.. yet you are STUCK with me.. that's why you need a break..

Maybe I should just turn my back against you... n leave... i m tired.. u will feel happier without me by ur side too..

< Luv me if u dare-`

Monday, January 09, 2006
2:45 AM

It's been raining all day.. somehow it managed to dampen my mood..
Looking at the rain.. somehow it makes me think.. of past memories.. (now u all know why i hate raining days.) it's been a long time ever since I had shed a tear.. how i wished i could pour my feelings out in tears just like the rain, but none falls. Maybe this raining day had help me to complete this small wish of mine..
Sometimes I feel I had a problem expressing myself.. tat's why not many ppl truly understand what's going on my mind.. they would always say i surprised them.. but if they truly understand what i want.. they wouldn't be surprised.. they should have anticipated that i would walk this path for my future..

I came to realise.. my weakest point is love. I dun seem to be able to overcome it no matter how much I had tried. Believe me.. someone told me before too.. if i want my career and dreams my love will suffer.. if i want love.. i need to give up my career n my dreams.. Staring at my darling.. in my minds were 1000 reasons to break up with him.. but i din say even a word to him.. n he din feel that there's something wrong with me as well.. maybe I had hide it too well.. As much as I want us to walk in separate ways.. part of me still wishing for miracles to happen that can save us from this situation. Our love wasn't strong.. our feelings weren't strong.. this relationship is going nowhere.. damn it.. why shouldn't i just let go..

Flash Back.. 21st may 2005.. 4 days before my bdae..

Life is so short.. able to be embraced and loved deeply by the few that u truly loved.. maybe i shouldn't be grumbling or wishing for more.. In this world.. there are so many regrets...
At that moment when time had came for us to say good bye... you shouldn't have hugged me tight.. maybe at the point of farewell.. I m still able to let go of my hands.. but it doesn't mean I m strong enough to put everything behind. We used to have a chance to be blissful forever.. dun say u r sorry.. i had never regret.. Our love almost became the most perfect fairy tale.. you told me not to cry.. i say i will not cry.. but we both had tears falling down our cheeks.

Flash Back.. 11th july 2005.. the day me n my darling got together..

I still wouldn't want to believe we got together due to loneliness.. two persons from diverse backgrounds got together.. on loneliness.. how strong can our relationship last?
From the beginning.. I know u still can't forget her.. neither do i can forget him.. To be sure that I did not make a wrong choice agn.. I painted a nice story of us.. to my colleagues.. to my friends.. saying you love me alot.. n you would take care of me forever.. but it's just all my imagination... I m tired of trying.. failing.. and starts all over agn.. becoz the more hurt i suffered.. the more i m immuned to the pain.. n the worse i will treat my partner.. i can't even commit myself..

.. ... ... ... and this relationship drags on.. we dun look at each other with passion... we dun hold each other hands... we dun embrace in each other arms... we are binded with status.. yet we are walking independently... it's been long.. i wished to experience true love agn... but.. i will need to forget someone.. ..

< Luv me if u dare-`

Sunday, January 01, 2006
4:31 AM

Happy New Year!!
Yep.. 2006 shall be a wonderful year for me!!
My new year resolutions:
Work
1) To achieve Rising Star by May'06.. which means my pay cheque will increase to at least $3k.. and I shall be out of the financial crisis I m in now.

Studies
1) Getting distinctions in MR and IM.. as well as scoring As for our projects.

Relationship
1) Hopefully things between my darling n me will work out fine..
2) Let me meet the right guy.. mature.. ambitious.. willingly to work hard.. humble... just like someone... hehe.. (my dear friends should know who i m refering to).. Hope to know him better this yr..

Personal
1) Slim down to 45kg..
2) Cut down on unnecessary expenses
3) Not to get lost when meeting clients at different locations in Singapore.

Shall add more to the list when i can think of..
Anyway.. i wished that all my friends in year 2006.. healthy and their wishes all come true..

< Luv me if u dare-`